Lost Generation

While exploring today I stumbled, or should I say clicked across a blog which had a poem that caught my eye. I'll post it, but I'd also like to point out that said blog had Cha! Cha! in it's name. Of course those of you who know me know that this is quite funny. I'd like to say that while this part I'm typing is short, the time it's taking to get it out is not. I fear that laying in bed for the last three days has hindered not only my typing abilities, but also any spelling abilities I had at one time.

Read this poem line by line taking time to think about what it says.

Lost Generation



I realize this may be a shock but

'Happiness comes from within'

is a lie, and

'Money will make me happy'

So in thirty years I will tell my children

they are not the most important thing in my life.

My employer will know that

I have my priorities straight because

work

is more important than

family

I tell you this

Once upon a time

Families stayed together

but this will not be true in my era

this is a quick fix society

Experts tell me

Thirty years from now I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce

I do not concede that

I will live in a country of my own making

In the future

Environmental destruction will be the norm

No longer can it be said that

My peers and I care about this earth

It will be evident that

My generation is apathetic and lethargic

It is foolish to presume that

There is hope.



And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it.
 
Now start at the bottom and read it in reverse starting with the line ending in hope.
 
It's amazing how just changing the order of words can ultimately change our way of thinking.

Hum-drum

Here's to the new year. Oh wait, I'm not excited for the new year. Not one iota. I mean seriously do we need another excuse to stuff our faces and drink a crazy amount of empty calories? Why on earth do we have a new year in the middle of a season any way? Here's the things I have to look forward to this year...

Telling my nephew that the last piece to finish his birthday present might arrive sometime in February when his birthday is the 31st of December and I started working on it in November. Stupid fabric manufacturer!

Scrounging for subbing jobs.

Renewing my drivers licence for which I have to once again prove that I'm a legal citizen. I mean really? I already have a licence. And I have to take a new picture.

Having more tests done just so some lab monkey can change their mind on what the results are yet again.

Dealing with the fact that I am yet again facing another year where I don't have a full time job and I still live at home. (Even though I love my Gramma, I'd really like a place to call my own.)

Ok so now that I've got all the negative off my shoulders I can think about the positives.

I have a job in my field of chosen profession, even if it's not the ideal one my degree is being used as it was designed.

I have a roof over my head and am not expected to pay rent or any bills (Though I feel I should do more than I do).

I have found what seems to be a wonderful church and am working on strengthening my spirit.

I have found this crazy desire to move. Like right now, I'd love to go for a run. (If you really knew me you'd understand how crazy that sounds).

I have a job that pays decently and will likely get out from under stupid debt soon.

I feel like even though I don't feel like I have all that much going for me right now that I can choose how I see my life this next year. I am choosing to try to look at the positives and just deal with the negatives. Here's to a great year!

Unnecessary Panic

I seriously feel like I might drop from a heart attack. My headache which I just got rid of is now raging out of control. Laptops... I think I just might hate them. Maybe it's students lack of brain power to put things where they belong. I don't know if you've ever used a laptop cart before, but they're pretty basic. I've used them at lots of schools. There are several slots one for each computer with a charger in the slot as well. The spots are number along with the individual computers. It's really easy, when you're done you just slide the laptop into the spot you got it out of and plug the cord in. There's no remembering where you got it from and no question as to where it goes. Could my class handle this? No they couldn't. They double stacked two computers causing me to have heart failure when I looked at the cart and saw that there were two spots that were empty. I seriously freaked out. Knowing that I wasn't really supposed to be using the laptop cart to begin with and now I've lost two of them. I immediately took note of which one the one student left in my room had, asked her to stay put while I went next door and asked the teacher to call security. THEY SENT ME FOUR PEOPLE!!! FOUR!!! After the second one arrived we opened the cart back up and I started going through each spot. This is when I discovered that the two that were missing we in spots that already had computers! I couldn't believe it. I reacted without thinking. I panicked.

I guess the upside to this is that there were no computers missing, but I didn't discover this until I'd already made a fool of myself. Now I'm sitting here in my last class and all I want to do is curl up and go to sleep.

P.S. The Haitian girls in my class are my favorite! They're SO smart and actually respond about what they're thinking when they ask for help!

Blast from the Past

Today I taught at Westview, home of the Wildcats and my Alma mater. Being back at Westview is odd enough. Add to it the railings which have finally been relieved of the Sunset purple paint and dressed in navy, red & grey or the sixteen new classrooms, which in no way match the rest of the school’s interior. Standing in for someone whom I’ve always looked up to is altogether different.

Today I started like any other day. I got up, showered, dressed, packed my lunch and left the house. I drove to work and greeted the secretary, this time someone I’ve known since I was 14. I went to CJ’s office, got my plans for the day and headed to my classroom. After getting all settled and ready for periods 1 & 3 I looked around the table I was sitting at and spotted the Westview Prowl. The Prowl is the school’s newspaper and I’m sure it went by another name in another time. I picked up a copy and started reading. I read about 50 student math classes and 19 student AP Art classes. About a lack luster weight room, the end of a coaching dynasty and how sagging pants are the most irritating fashion at Westview. I also read about CJ’s adventure with “The Three Musketeers” and new theatre design teacher. Sadly I got to read about the Sunset Vandal who defaced Westview property heading into their spirit week. I then turned the page and once more and was hurled back in time four years. The school paper had decided to run a spread about how the war has cast a shadow over Westview. They focused on various students past and present who had dedicated themselves to their country. One of the articles was about the start of it all and included a review of the story about Marcus Nettles. As I was reading this I was taken right back to the day that they reported him duty station whereabouts unknown. Flash forward and I’m at the state fair where there’s a display up and Papa’s helping me to find Marcus’ name on the wall. Just knowing that if anyone really understood what I was feeling it was him. Flash forward and I’m sitting at a table reading a newspaper article about a guy who today’s students see as just a soldier. Not the amazingly nice guy who never judged a person by what crowd they fit in with. Not a brother, son and husband.

The rest of my day continued, nothing but one memory after another. Especially once I got started with Acting I, formally known as Intro to Theatre. The students were working on performing their monologues. I could instantly picture myself sitting on that very stage reciting my monologue from my freshman year. It was about a girl who had had enough of her family and decided that she’s going to hide out in the attic. This seems to go on forever as she rants about how horrible she has it until finally she gets hungry and has to go down to the kitchen for food. Yes that was from my freshman year of high school and I still remember the gist of what it was about.

The kicker to this blog entry? I wrote 90% of it by hand while I was working, and typed it on my laptop while the rest of my family slept so that I could post it the next day!

Thinking Positively

I got this from Em, who got it from someone else, who in all likely hood got it from someone else. I liked it so I'm doing it. :)

Today...
I love the smell of
freshly cut pickles.

I love the sound of
lockers closing at the end of the day.

I love the sight of
kids being kids.

I love the taste of
an ice cold Pepsi

I love the feel of
jeans on Fridays!

I have so many things to be thankful for this week. I've been blessed to have worked three of the five days this week and gotten 4 days worth of calls. (Being in Idaho for the first call) I've already picked up two days for the coming weeks. I had a great day at Meadow Park MS and I got here 30 minutes early for the day. I also didn't have any behavior problems that weren't easily handled with a stern word or serious look. BUT I did just realize that I forgot to pass out the handouts for the weekend... dang. Oh, well... I'll blame the assembly!

Coincidence, I don't think so...

It's interesting the things that we're guided to do. For Em it's was a trip to the beach, for me it was finally ripping open the plastic surrounding my new bible. My new bible wasn't bought by me, or even directly for me, but I was presented with an opportunity to receive it. I was drawn to my bible.

The bible I've been using was bought for me back in 1998 when I started going to church with a friend. It was bought so that I could fit the picture of what a certain person felt I should look like if I was going to church on a regular basis. I'm pretty sure I helped pick it out, as well as the cover for it, though it wasn't bought for what I feel is the right reason. It's a teen study bible and when I got it I was just that, a teen. Now I'm 26 and it's still the one I use for reference much more often than the one my gramma has sitting out.

I should start by saying that this all goes back to camp. I never had the words to blog about camp. I think it's because I fear that I got far more out of it than I gave to the kids. For quite a while that has left a darkness within me that I couldn't explain. The whole time I was at camp I felt like the kid. I'd sit in chapel and listen to the stories for the very first time, thinking that's really in my bible?! Even worse, I'd sit in the counselor meetings while just the kids were in chapel and think, wait I'm missing pieces here... I can't keep up if I'm not in there. I wouldn't just stand there and sing the songs, I felt them move through me, felt Him move through me. For the first time in a long time I was learning what it was like to have a relationship with God and not be questioned about it. I know that while I was going through all of this that I was also giving to my kids, but if I would have had the faith that I do now, could I have been a better counselor?

Ok, back to the bible. I was sitting in chapel one day next to my little one, who was busy coloring, I had her new bible and I was following along and looking to see what extra stuff it had. I got to the back and found all kinds of questions and devotions. Then something caught my eye. It was a plan for reading the bible. It takes the highlights of each book. Seeing it got me kind of excited. I thought that it was exactly what I needed to actually make it through the bible. Before I'd always started at page 1 and trudged my way through the bible page by page. I don't think I ever made it out of Genesis. I figured that once I had money to spend again I'd make the trip to get a new bible and figure out a plan. God, it seems had a better idea and one that was sure to get me going faster.

The end of the next week I got the call from Kathy about doing week two. That Sunday as I sat and listened to Shirley talk about various things she brought up that there were a few extra bibles from the ones they had purchased for the kids. I sat there and at first thought, no I can't take one. I have a bible and I don't want to take anything that's not mine. Obviously God had a different idea. When it came time to go over and get our supplies I was looking for a shirt in my size when someone asked if I wanted one of the bibles that they were pulling out of the box. It struck me at that moment that I was supposed to have that bible and that I no longer had an excuse for putting off reading my bible.

Now it's been almost a month that I've been staring at my new bible all snug in it's plastic wrap, but last night I just felt moved to pick up the scissors and open it. I sat on my bed and flipped through until I found the plan for reading it. I found where I was supposed to start reading and the most amazing thing happened. I completely lost track of time! Flipping back and forth from the text to the plan, taking time to stop and think about the questions that accompany each section and then moving on. Ok, so I'm still stuck in Genesis, but I think that this time I'll actually get through it and move on. I can't wait to find out what I'll learn!

They never stop.

I have so many thoughts swirling around my head that I can't think straight. I'm so excited for the coming school year. I have so many plans that I don't even know if I know how start thinking about it all. So I've decided that I'm going to make a list instead, a list of all the things that I want to do with my life this year.

Pay off my credit card

Find a place of my own

Visit a new country

Read my bible

Make verbal contact with my besties weekly

Be 100% SELF responsible

Make written contact with my distant friends weekly

Have a monthly girls/guys night out

Find a church I can call home

Do something with the pictures I have saved

Remind those in my life that I love them

Find Mr. Right, not just Mr. Right Now

Prove to my nephew that he's loved, and valued and worth the world

Remind myself daily that I too, deserve the world

Read at least one book each month, no matter how busy I am (hey I had to add an easy one)

I'm sure this isn't every thing for my list, but it's a start at least. I know that I can make most of these things happen and for the ones that I can't, I'll leave them in God's hands. I know that he has a plan for me and for the first time since I can remember I believe that I'm on that path.