A Little Bit of Evil in All of Us

Ok so I never thought that I could be so much fun to take ones phone hostage. I just wanted to know what it was that she said. :) I guess there is a little bit of evil in all of us. :)

Today started out horribly early and horribly. I awoke at 2am with a cramp in my leg and couldn't shake it. Then I was late to class, and later than I like to be to school.

It got slightly better at school however. For the first time today more than one of my students actually called me by name instead of "teacher" which was awesome. Then we had a fire drill and I got separated from my class and I had two students with me. I was picking up the stragglers left in the class and the alarm sounded. I reached up to grab the envelope we take with us (though I'm not sure what it's for since it's basically empty and holds no information) and looked out in the hallway and the doors leading to the rest of our class had closed. Ok I rounded up all two of my students and headed outside. It was crazy. I got to see the productive side of a difficult student too. That was completely rewarding even if the staff who see him daily don't see it that way.

First Date

Ok so I'd like to start out with my venting. Vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent.

Now that that's done with. I started talking to this guy and we had this awesome conversation about all kinds of things. We've spent quite a bit of time texting too. Last night we went out on our first date. We went to Shocktober festival. It's a Halloween themed festival at the Hillsboro fair complex. There were two PG-13 attractions and two for the younger ones, along with mini golf. We went and did all of the attractions and discovered that I am rediculously scared of chainsaws. When we were done there we decided to go see a movie. So we headed back to Gramma's to check times and whatnot. Then headed off to see Quarantine. It was a really scary movie. Then he took me home. Ok time for bed now. :)

Never Truly Alone

For what is likely the first time in my life I feel truly alone. Please to those I've talked to don't take this personally. You are where you are and there's no changing that. Today started out a great day. I finally finished the third book in the Twilight Saga and was ready to move on to the fourth. Most of you don't know this, but every one at work is ahead of me in the series... you know how much I like being behind in reading something fun. So I go to work and have a pretty good day until the last two hours. LITERALLY THE LAST TWO HOURS OF MY SHIFT!!! This man comes to my line and I ring up his purchase and he's forgotten his wallet. He looks at me and says "I'll be back." I called after him to ask how long he would be, just to his car, home, some kind of judgment so that I would know what to do with his stuff. He had dairy and meat products. He finally said "I'll be back later." I took this to mean that he would be a while and I should likely put his things away. My manager was occupied and we weren't too busy so I just turned my light off and went to assist other people with bagging and whatnot. Five minutes later the man comes back, meanwhile my courtesy girl has gone to put his stuff away. He growls, "I take it you sent my stuff back." I calmly replied, "Yes sir, I thought you'd be gone longer." He barely even let me finish before he started in on me while I was trying to get Hailey to bring his stuff back. The man was so rude I had fellow cashiers stepping in to try to alleviate some of the hostility I was facing. I completely lost it... apparently I'm extremely emotional right now... which I knew why. So with that settled the rest of the night was ok. Even had a really hot ball player come though my line :)
When I got off... half an hour early... thanks Carol! I had a text message waiting from Justin. (Don't worry, he's just curious as to what's going on with me.) I texted him back and then told him that I was driving home and he could call if he wanted. We talked the whole way home, about what had been happening for the last four years. It was nice, no pressure, just talking like old friends. When I got home I decided to stop and check the mail, mostly junk, save for one envelope that I didn't like the look of. Nondescript and too plain. I opened it and my worst fear came true. I'm not going to go into details... could be nothing, could be the world. Justin kept me fairly calm, telling me to breathe when I'd stopped. I called Mom to talk to her... and no answer, her phone's off... so I called Gramma, and that was good. Then I called Jess, that was good too, other than the fact that they both pointed out that I was all alone. (DON"T FEEL BAD OR I"LL SHOOT YOU!) All alone. No one, they're all gone. Gramma's at home, Mom's in Washington, Jess in Idaho, Emily at camp. Not even my "secondary friends" are around... Kirsten (Though not really a secondary friend... is away also at camp... Melanie's across the country... Carissa's at home... and lets face it we're not as close as we used to be. To make all the matters worse, I'd just been discussing how I've been single for four years. I know all of you were pleased to see Mike go, but he was the last guy to really care... even if for a short time.
With all these weddings surrounding me, sometimes I have to wonder if I'll ever find love like that. I try to keep it light joking that "I need a boyfriend" but that's not it at all. I want to feel that kind of love. The kind that you can't possibly imagine living without. The kind that you don't want to fall asleep at night and can't wait to wake up in the morning because you don't want to miss it. I wonder if I used up all my chances at love growing up. I hope not, and I'll try to remain patient while God works on the man I'm supposed to be with. Until then I'll keep my love stories, keep reading and dreaming of a future so full of love that it'll be hard to believe it's real.

I Still Miss You!!!

I had a customer come in today and he only bought a few items, a gallon of milk and a cantaloupe, he wasn't in my line for long, but it was long enough for me to loose it. He was an elderly man, and for some reason he reminded me of Papa. Now think about the number of men who come through my line in a day. I'm still not sure why it was this man who struck me so hard. I've teared up before, just briefly, but not like tonight. When he walked away I completely broke down. I'm very thankful that no one else was in my line because I don't know what I would have told them. It was hard enough trying to tell two of my co-workers that I was fine. Now obviously I wasn't fine, I was crying. I had to step away and take some time to calm down. Once I had I was fine, though the song I Still Miss You came straight to mind when it happened.

Well I'm in the beginning of a very good book and can't seem to stay away from it :) You know me always the bookworm! :)

I've changed the presets in my truck
so those old songs don't sneak up
they still find me and remind me
yeah you come back that easy
try restaurants I've never been to
order new things off the menu
that I never tried cause you didn't like
two drinks in you were by my side

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you
I still miss you baby

I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I dont know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no I don't know how to do this

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

I still miss you
I still miss you...... yeah.... yeah.....

Tad bit Testy

I'm just ready for this summer to be done. Don't get me wrong there's quite a bit of fun and exciting and important stuff happening this summer. I am just so ready to be starting the next chapter in my life. Yes I know to most it seems like just another year of college, but for me personally it's a whole new chapter. I mean it's like the home stretch, I'm finally there! So with everything going on in my life and having to pay off some old debts I'm feeling a little testy. For the last six years I haven't really had to think too much about money problems. All of a sudden my savings account is empty and my bank account is bare. It's not even so much not having the money, its the having to actually monitor my spending. Not being able to say hey I love that, I'll take it! I don't really even have the money to spend on the "I need that for the next stage of my life" type things. However, I did just buy the cutest pair of mary-jane flats!!! I got a heck of a deal and I have been looking for a pair for... well forever!
On top of all of this I feel as if I'm about to snap. Not all the time, but just randomly I feel extremely agitated and find myself snapping at people. I hate it because I don't realize I'm doing it until after the damage is done, but at the same time I'm still hesitant to stand up to the people who are really the ones who are agitating me. I know most of this likely makes no sense what so ever, but here it is anyway.
I have a very long day at work tomorrow, followed by a long drive back to Hillsboro to attend a bridal shower for Carissa. Somewhere in there I have to find a gift too!!! Oh, did I mention that both of my checks for this month total less than two hundred dollars? Yeah seriously that sucks, I guess I'll be working myself to the bone for the month of August. :)

A rarity in my world

So for the first time in a long time I had a great day at work today! Really and truly. I was scheduled for a simple 5 hour shift working lunch breaks, which really means I run around and do a bit of everything. We had an all girl crew for the managers, which means a great day for me. I get along with all of the female managers so it's nice when they're the ones who are working. When I was almost off they asked if I could stay late, which was kinda nice, since I could kinda use the money right about now, so of course I said yes. So I'm just now home, and I love that it wasn't even dark when I got here. I have to be up bright and early for an 8 am meeting and work 12-9 tomorrow, followed by girls day on Sunday so I'm off to get ready for bed!!

Update ;)

Hello all!!!

Well a request came in for an update, so here it is. I'm sitting at Gramma's house, also known as my second home. And well that's I'll I have time for... maybe tonight after work I'll write more :)