Crazy world...?

Ok, that was lack of a better title... maybe one will come to me... so here I am 1 hour and and 42 minutes from when my ed app is due and it is still not done... ok so really all I have to do is get off my butt and go make my copies and then actually hand it over. I know I know just do it already... but seriously this is a huge deal... this is it. I mean I've been working towards this for three years now and I'm finally to the point that I can take this step. I'm terrified! Also I just got the newsletter from camp... and am kinda bummed that I wont be returning this year. Yeah I know that I hated most of my summer when it came to my fellow counselors... but a small part of me will always see that place as home... not the people... just the camp itself. The gorgeous sunsets over the mountains, the ridiculously hot days, the AMAZING tan I got... I don't think I'll ever be that dark again in my life. I mean I'm looking at the page and seeing who's returning as support staff and seeing how I think that it's great that certain people are getting these positions... but a small part of me wishes that I could be going back there too... but I know that I'd just be miserable if I did go... I mean really, I was allergic to the entire state, bugs and all that. Who would want to do that all over again? I guess me.. lol.
No seriously I don't want to go back... This is going to be an amazing summer. What with whisking away to Cali for Jess's bachelorette party in June, Summer classes in July, Rissa's wedding in August, and Finally Jess's wedding in Septemeber, followed directly with my entering the ed program... what more could I possibly ask for? Oh wait I know... :) ... No, I am happy with my life right now. I'm a little overwhelmed with assignments and projects right now but I know that I am strong enough to get through all of this. If there's one thing that Papa taught me (among the many things) it was that I am strong enough to do ANYTHING!
Speaking of Papa... I think, now that I'm back at school... and I see myself from a different angle that this whole time when I really thought that I was in complete denial that I was in my own way dealing with it. I can make comments at work and not feel like a crazy person... and I can think about happy things when it comes to him... Though Saturday brought one of my hardest days in a while. What I thought was me being sick to my stomach was really the feeling left behind by a disturbing dream from the night before. It left me with the feeling that I could have stopped it all... which I know in reality to be a false statement. But in my dream I could have stopped it all and I could have woken up to find him alive and well. It was hard waking up and having to remind myself that he truly was gone and anything in my dream was not going to change that. It's ok though, I know that I'll have days like that, and I know that many others will too. I just remind myself that if I wait, he'll visit me again... and hopefully the next time it'll be a dream that leaves me feeling better in the morning.
Ok, now that I've put it off for another 10 minutes I guess I'll start getting ready to go to the library and get my application photocopied...

Goodbye for now

Cara