The defeat of confidence

I got what was likely the biggest compliment ever yesterday. I've spent the time just trying to wrap my brain around it since it was said. Let me back up a little first... Last Saturday I got a text from a friend from the program asking if I wanted to go to dinner with the crew for some teacher talk. I had to decline due to being busy at the time they were going. Not a big deal, I just had already made a commitment. I went to my meeting Sunday night and didn't give dinner with the crew another thought, thinking that I'd catch up with them the next time. Yesterday I got up and drove to Salem for the Salem-Keizer educator's fair. I ran into a couple of the girls from the crew, but it wasn't until after I was done with my interview that Bre and I ran into Sarah. We were talking and she brought up the dinner from the previous Sunday and said that they had all made speculations as to why I was MIA. She told me that they'd decided I was at some district meeting where a bunch of administrators were fighting over getting me in their buildings. And they decided that I already had a job! I was just too good to not have a solid position yet within a school. When she told me this I was honestly speechless. I had no idea how to respond. I realized after thinking about what she said as well as some things that others have said that I defeat myself with my own confidence.

It seems that not only my closest friends, but also those who I bonded with while in the program have far more confidence in my abilities as a teacher than even I do. I've always felt like a confident person, but this realization made me think about how timid I am when it comes to my abilities. So I sit here today and proclaim that I am a great teacher! I deserve a job, and one that is actually in the field I've worked my butt off to be in. No, this doesn't mean that I wont keep applying for jobs outside of teaching. I'm not stupid I need a job like yesterday. I'm done doubting my own skills. I guess I thought that upon graduation I would just feel like a different person and that really hasn't happened. I still feel like me, a less stressed version of my self, but still me and I'm happy to be me!