Happy Feelings

So for no obvious reason I'm happy. Not the normal just regular happy, but the I simply cannot stop smiling happy. No, there's no guy involved and yes I know that's what you were thinking because it seems that one is usually involved with these kinds of highs. With everything that is going on in my life right now, all of the difficulties and blessings, they just don't seem to matter in the long run. I know that right now I'm not thrilled with my living situation, I miss the freedom of being able to put off cleaning a mess up when I simply don't feel like it. But I'm also thankful for the generosity of my gramma, I mean seriously who wants to take in a messy 25 year old who is grouchy until she's showered. I also know that I feel like I'm failing because I don't have, what I consider, an acceptable job. Yes, I'm working with kids and it's great, but this isn't what I worked my ass of for. I don't make enough to get myself out of debt, or to even think about changing ANYTHING in my life. This means that I can't allow myself to slack off when it comes to the jobs department. SO back to edZapp I go, only now I have to weigh each job I apply to. Will this one get me more money, enough hours, or is it in just the right place to make it worth it? Is a temporary position making a few dollars more an hour for less hours a week worth it to give up my current position which while paying less isn't going to vanish in the next few months?

Aside from ALL of this I'm still happy. I'm sitting here listening to "Fireflies" and beaming. Today I was sitting in the classroom with my 8 kiddos, painting masks and listening to Disney music and "Can I Have This Dance" came on and my aide Sam said something about it and I said how much I loved it and then we were talking about weddings and such. It just made me think about all that I want out of life. I made the comment that I wanted to be waltz at my wedding and one of my students asked if I was married and I said no, and his reply was, "Aren't girls supposed to have boyfriends?" The way he said it was just cute, it was like he just thought life was so simple. Then he asked if I wanted to get married and I said, "Yeah, of course, someday." His reply was you'll get married and have kids. I wished things were that simple. I remember having a plan for life when I was young, of course it changed constantly but still. I have to remind myself sometimes that it's ok that I'm still single and that someday my prince will come. I know he's out there somewhere, I've just got to be patient and wait for the right time to meet him.

In case you didn't get it through all of my ramblings and ponderings I'm happy. My life's not perfect, not at all where I thought it would be at this point, but I'm happy. I have assets, maybe not all 40 of them, maybe not even 30 of them, but I have them and I know that I can be an asset to others, but to do that I have to be happy with myself, and I am!