Today was one of those days when I felt increasingly alone. I don't understand what's got me to this point. Why do I seem to have the inability to make and keep friends? My time is spent reading alone, watching tv alone, eating alone, riding my bike alone, shopping alone. Growing up I was always told that I was so outgoing and made friends so easily, but here I am at 27 and I have two friends and they're the only ones who read my blogs too. Sure I have tons of people I consider friends and people I care about, but how well do I know them and how well do they know me? When was the last time I spent any time with these people? What is wrong with me? What is it I do that makes people want to run? Do I just try too hard? Or is it that I don't try hard enough and people just slip away?
It's been a long time since I've felt this alone. Like I'm a shadow moving through life. I'm not outgoing, I'm annoying. Who wants to hang out with someone who talks all the time and doesn't do anything interesting to begin with? Being so positive lately must be wearing on me and my negative side is slipping.
I'll be ok, eventually. Just as soon as I figure out what to do.
2 comments:
Come to my house. I have chocolate. And a puppy who likes to snuggle. Unfortunately, I am never home...so that may not be the best solution. I love you though. Wish there was something that I could do. <3
Two good friends is really all one needs. But understandably it's always fun to have different people to hang out with (I take absolutely no offense to that) Like we've talked about many times- it's all about putting yourself out there little by little. Honestly I think finding a sorority or dance classes or just being the one to call up one of those "friends" and say "Hey let's meet for coffee" is the first step. I'm not great at it either, but eventually those "friends" become friends. Branch out. That's my goal too- even though I know how lucky I am to have you as a friend. Because honestly- you might talk a lot- but you're pretty damn amazing. So what if you read alot or like to listen to music 24/7 :smile: You're creative, goal driven, and right now that's hard to see...I get it. Being positive all the time blows- be responsible. Use positivity in moderation. Ha! (New slogan perhaps?) But seriously I love ya like a fat kid loves cake.
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