I AM...

I AM…I AM A DAUGHTER, A SISTER, A GRAND-DAUGHTER, A NIECE, A COUSIN, A FRIEND. I AM A PARTNER, A STUDENT, A YOUNG GIRL AND A GRWON WOMAN. I AM CONFIDENT AND SCARED, TERRIFIED AND EXCITED. I AM LOVING AND CARING AND THOUGHFUL AND HOPEFUL. I AM SICK AND TIRED. I AM SHY AND FRIENDLY, AND CARFUL AND CARELESS. DOUBT IS MY WORST ENEMY. I AM BROKEN AND WHOLE. I AM MISUNDERSTOOD, MISGUIDED AND MISLEAD. I AM HARD WORKING AND DETERMINED, BUT A LITTLE SCARED ON THE INSIDE. I WISH ON STARS AND DREAM MY DREAMS. I PRAY TO GOD AND CRY MY TEARS. I SMILE ON THE OUtSIDE, WHILE I’M DYING ON THE INSIDE. I LISTEN TO OTHERS WHO WON’T LISTEN TO ME. I WALK ON EGGSHELLS, AND I WALK ON FIRE. I BELIEVE IN PASSION, AND MORE IN TRUE LOVE. I AM EVERYTHING AND NOTHING ALL AT ONCE.

I found a variation of this a while back but decided to finally tweak it to really fit me. I've been doing alot of reflecting lately and well I'm not sure what I've discovered... or maybe it's just that I'm not ready for everyone to know what I've discovered. I made a personal realization the other day that had a profound impact on my life. I just pray that I'm not setting myself up for disappointment. It's the doubt that's my worst enemy.

I just went through all of my quotes, of which I have 9+ pages worth. They really made me start thinking about things. This is one of the things I found among many others. It made me smile. I've found I'm finding things that I never thought I'd find. :)

Ever Growing...

So I got to spend this past Thanksgiving taking a trip with my nephew Brett to Kennewick, WA to spend some time I with my mom. It's amazing to think that this boy is growing up so fast. I remember back when he was still a baby. I remember just days after they brought him home from the hospital and he fell off of the bed.

I remember him wandering around Gramma & Papa's yard following after with gardening tools in his little purple jumpsuit. I remember laying with him in his "big boy" bed to get him to sleep at night. I remember packing him around with me when I wanted to hang out with friends. I remember going with his first grade class to the pumpkin patch.

Now he's 13 and inches taller than me. Sometimes I wish he could just realize 1/10 of his potential. He's been so beaten down over the years I just can't imagine how he'll overcome it. I believe that his maturity level is so far behind that of his peers that he'll have a horrible time trying to catch up by the time he reaches high school. It seems like that everytime he appears to be on top of things that something goes horribly wrong and a good chunk of the time it's him that causes the problem, through lying or doing something that he knows good and well that he's not supposed to be doing.