I'm sorry...

I know that instead of blogging I should actually be making phone calls, but I'm a pansy. I've been a real grouch this week and for it I'm sorry. Talk about an emotional rollercoaster. Until my brief chat with my brother I didn't even know what it was that was affecting me. I thought that it had something to do with graduation, but I really couldn't pinpoint it, nor did I want to try. Two days from now I'll be a college graduate, I'll be walking across the stage and recieveing a rolled up piece of paper until my degree acutally comes. Eight days from now it will be three years since Papa died. I'm angry. I'm angry and I don't have anyone to be angry at. Graduation is the first milestone I have to face without him. All I want is to be able to hear his voice and I know I'll never hear it again. Since high school I've dreamt of hearing him cheer me on at my college graduation and I'll never hear it. Sure I can here what he's say, but I can't hear him. It's not fair, and I'm mad. I've been trying so hard not to take my feelings out on other people this week, especially since I didn't even know what was causing them, but I don't think that I've been very successful. I have a lot of wonderful people who are proud of me and love and support me and I am very very thankful for all of them. As great as they are, they can't fill the void that's left behind by his absence. I just pray that I can remain strong enough and can feel his presence with me on Saturday. I know he'll be there, watching and cheering me on, I just hope that I can feel it without other people trying to tell me that he's there.