So accomplished.

I've haven't felt this accomplished in so long. I can't believe the amount of work I've gotten done today. While I know that I spent much of the morning slacking off and doing lots of nothing I still got quite a bit of stuff done tonight. I managed to get almost completely caught up on my notes for one class and finished an entire lesson plan. *Caution confession coming* I've finally written a lesson plan all on my own!!! The idea and everything, all mine. No one can take any bit of credit for it. I still have a lot of work to get done. Including, but certainly not limited to a paper that's due Friday morning at 9 am.

As for other exciting news. I actually assisted in teaching for the first time in my class. There was an incident which required my teacher to step out to talk with the principal and she handed me the class. It was completely scary I wont lie. Lucky for me it was at the end of the day and the second easiest thing we do. It was a math lesson on doubles and neighbors (2 & 2 and 2 & 3). All I had to do was ask the students to tell me what went on top of our number sentence and what went on bottom. It felt really great that she trusted me to just completely take over the class, and to actually be teaching not just monitoring their abilities to work on a worksheet.

Lets see... what else is new? Well I guess an update about Sean is in order. In the words of Izzie Stevens, "We're going steady." lol There's just something about that statement that is so old school, aside from the fact that it's a term from the 50s. He lives in Vancouver and we only get to see eachother on the weekends, but I actually think that's likely a good thing. With him working during the week and me at school/in class during the week I'm way more focused, knowing that if I'm going to be responsible I have to get my work done before the weekend. Espeically since I don't do any homework on the weekends anyway. Never really have, well Sunday nights aren't really the weekend, just like Friday nights aren't really the work week. It's a nice trade off.

I... I don't know what else I really have to say, I've said alot tonight. :)

So there's this boy...

when I think about him I can't help but smile. He's a complete gentleman, I seriously don't think I've opened a single door. He's... well I guess I'm still learning... *abandoning blog to edit Em's paper. :)

Will You Dance With Me?

Will You Dance With Me?
I'm a dancer,
and I move to the rhythm of the music
Oh it carries me away.
Yes I'm a dancer
I was born to live this life
I did not choose it
And when the song begins to play
Oh please, please will you dance with me?

I'm a dreamer,
though my head is the clouds
I keep believin'
they really do come true,
a rainbow chaser
and at the end I know that all the love I needed
I will find it here with you
So please, please will you dance with me?

Baby, can you hear the melody, I swear I've never heard a sound so sweet
Makes me want to take your hand,
float across the floor.
I've never felt like this before.

I'm a lover
Of all things everywhere God set in motion
like the Sun, the Moon and stars are lives together
We'll rise and fall like the waves upon the ocean,
if you take me in your arms.
So please, please will you dance with me?

Ohhhhhhhh
please will you dance with me?
Uhhh Ohhhhh...


I truly heard this song for the first time today and it kinda just struck me. Maybe it's because I dance everyday to the beat of my own tune. Maybe it's because while on my date I was literally hearing songs in my head. (Sean had to ask me twice what song it was that I was hearing.)

:)

A Little Bit of Evil in All of Us

Ok so I never thought that I could be so much fun to take ones phone hostage. I just wanted to know what it was that she said. :) I guess there is a little bit of evil in all of us. :)

Today started out horribly early and horribly. I awoke at 2am with a cramp in my leg and couldn't shake it. Then I was late to class, and later than I like to be to school.

It got slightly better at school however. For the first time today more than one of my students actually called me by name instead of "teacher" which was awesome. Then we had a fire drill and I got separated from my class and I had two students with me. I was picking up the stragglers left in the class and the alarm sounded. I reached up to grab the envelope we take with us (though I'm not sure what it's for since it's basically empty and holds no information) and looked out in the hallway and the doors leading to the rest of our class had closed. Ok I rounded up all two of my students and headed outside. It was crazy. I got to see the productive side of a difficult student too. That was completely rewarding even if the staff who see him daily don't see it that way.

First Date

Ok so I'd like to start out with my venting. Vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent.

Now that that's done with. I started talking to this guy and we had this awesome conversation about all kinds of things. We've spent quite a bit of time texting too. Last night we went out on our first date. We went to Shocktober festival. It's a Halloween themed festival at the Hillsboro fair complex. There were two PG-13 attractions and two for the younger ones, along with mini golf. We went and did all of the attractions and discovered that I am rediculously scared of chainsaws. When we were done there we decided to go see a movie. So we headed back to Gramma's to check times and whatnot. Then headed off to see Quarantine. It was a really scary movie. Then he took me home. Ok time for bed now. :)

Never Truly Alone

For what is likely the first time in my life I feel truly alone. Please to those I've talked to don't take this personally. You are where you are and there's no changing that. Today started out a great day. I finally finished the third book in the Twilight Saga and was ready to move on to the fourth. Most of you don't know this, but every one at work is ahead of me in the series... you know how much I like being behind in reading something fun. So I go to work and have a pretty good day until the last two hours. LITERALLY THE LAST TWO HOURS OF MY SHIFT!!! This man comes to my line and I ring up his purchase and he's forgotten his wallet. He looks at me and says "I'll be back." I called after him to ask how long he would be, just to his car, home, some kind of judgment so that I would know what to do with his stuff. He had dairy and meat products. He finally said "I'll be back later." I took this to mean that he would be a while and I should likely put his things away. My manager was occupied and we weren't too busy so I just turned my light off and went to assist other people with bagging and whatnot. Five minutes later the man comes back, meanwhile my courtesy girl has gone to put his stuff away. He growls, "I take it you sent my stuff back." I calmly replied, "Yes sir, I thought you'd be gone longer." He barely even let me finish before he started in on me while I was trying to get Hailey to bring his stuff back. The man was so rude I had fellow cashiers stepping in to try to alleviate some of the hostility I was facing. I completely lost it... apparently I'm extremely emotional right now... which I knew why. So with that settled the rest of the night was ok. Even had a really hot ball player come though my line :)
When I got off... half an hour early... thanks Carol! I had a text message waiting from Justin. (Don't worry, he's just curious as to what's going on with me.) I texted him back and then told him that I was driving home and he could call if he wanted. We talked the whole way home, about what had been happening for the last four years. It was nice, no pressure, just talking like old friends. When I got home I decided to stop and check the mail, mostly junk, save for one envelope that I didn't like the look of. Nondescript and too plain. I opened it and my worst fear came true. I'm not going to go into details... could be nothing, could be the world. Justin kept me fairly calm, telling me to breathe when I'd stopped. I called Mom to talk to her... and no answer, her phone's off... so I called Gramma, and that was good. Then I called Jess, that was good too, other than the fact that they both pointed out that I was all alone. (DON"T FEEL BAD OR I"LL SHOOT YOU!) All alone. No one, they're all gone. Gramma's at home, Mom's in Washington, Jess in Idaho, Emily at camp. Not even my "secondary friends" are around... Kirsten (Though not really a secondary friend... is away also at camp... Melanie's across the country... Carissa's at home... and lets face it we're not as close as we used to be. To make all the matters worse, I'd just been discussing how I've been single for four years. I know all of you were pleased to see Mike go, but he was the last guy to really care... even if for a short time.
With all these weddings surrounding me, sometimes I have to wonder if I'll ever find love like that. I try to keep it light joking that "I need a boyfriend" but that's not it at all. I want to feel that kind of love. The kind that you can't possibly imagine living without. The kind that you don't want to fall asleep at night and can't wait to wake up in the morning because you don't want to miss it. I wonder if I used up all my chances at love growing up. I hope not, and I'll try to remain patient while God works on the man I'm supposed to be with. Until then I'll keep my love stories, keep reading and dreaming of a future so full of love that it'll be hard to believe it's real.

I Still Miss You!!!

I had a customer come in today and he only bought a few items, a gallon of milk and a cantaloupe, he wasn't in my line for long, but it was long enough for me to loose it. He was an elderly man, and for some reason he reminded me of Papa. Now think about the number of men who come through my line in a day. I'm still not sure why it was this man who struck me so hard. I've teared up before, just briefly, but not like tonight. When he walked away I completely broke down. I'm very thankful that no one else was in my line because I don't know what I would have told them. It was hard enough trying to tell two of my co-workers that I was fine. Now obviously I wasn't fine, I was crying. I had to step away and take some time to calm down. Once I had I was fine, though the song I Still Miss You came straight to mind when it happened.

Well I'm in the beginning of a very good book and can't seem to stay away from it :) You know me always the bookworm! :)

I've changed the presets in my truck
so those old songs don't sneak up
they still find me and remind me
yeah you come back that easy
try restaurants I've never been to
order new things off the menu
that I never tried cause you didn't like
two drinks in you were by my side

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you
I still miss you baby

I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I dont know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no I don't know how to do this

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

I've talked to friends
I've talked to myself
I've talked to God
I prayed liked hell but I still miss you
I tried sober I tried drinking
I've been strong and I've been weak
and I still miss you
I've done everything
move on like I'm supposed to
I'd give anything for one more minute with you
I still miss you yeah

I still miss you
I still miss you...... yeah.... yeah.....